The past couple months could be described as perhaps a "turning point" in my life. There is a growing discontent in the way things are and the way I am right now. I have begun a new journey of rediscovering my passions and my gifts.

About a month ago, I found myself in a situation where I had a job opportunity on the table for me but little time to think it through and reflect on whether it was where God wanted me to be. I ended up turning it down and in the process, it has launched me into this journey of reflection and introspection; one in which I had not seriously ventured into for quite some time (years perhaps...).

In my first week of my final semester at Tyndale, I was challenged by the readings and teachings in my classes. Some of what was taught and what I read in the readings didn't quite fit with some things I had been taught growing up in a Baptist environment. Reflecting on this a little further has led me to realize some of the teachings that have been ingrained in my head all these years are not resonating with me.

At the same time, a number of my personal weaknesses have come to the forefront and have demanded my attention. I realize some of these weaknesses stem from unresolved issues from my childhood and from my upbringing - growing up in a fairly conservative, baptist, asian environment. I'm not saying that growing up in such an environment is a negative thing; but rather, as I have stated earlier, certain aspects do not resonate with me. It also does not mean I yearn to live and immerse myself in an environment in complete opposition to a Baptist environment. I'm simply in pursuit of the truth and it seems like some the answers cannot be neatly packed or found in any one particular denominational box (so far).

I recently picked up Erwin McManus' Soul Cravings and started reading it. The book is, as McManus describes it, "an exploration of the human spirit". The book ventures along three quests: the quest for intimacy, the quest for destiny, and the quest for meaning. Each quest contains about 20-25 small journal entries (each only a few pages long). I chose to start with the quest for destiny; though the quest for meaning was equally appealing.

So like I said before, I feel like I have reached a turning point in my life. The discontent in my heart is a good thing for it is forcing me to really dig down and find my true calling. Perhaps this is God's way of getting me back on my feet and helping me move closer to Him and closer to where He wants me to be.

[ ivan 4:57 PM EST ]

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...and it is called reading ENGRISH subtitles on DVDs bought from Chinese video stores. It was cell group night for the youth group and my cell group met at a youth's home. He had a collection of English DVDs purchased from a Chinese store. We decided to watch Chronicles of Narnia and it was the best decision we made that evening.

We started to watch the movie with the English subtitles accidentally turned on. It ended up being so funny, we couldn't turn it off. The movie was in English and had English and Mandarin subtitles. Rather than copy what was said word for word for the English subtitles, the makers of this DVD attempted to use the literal translation of the Mandarin subtitles for the English subtitles. Heavy emphasis on the word "attempted"!

What ended up happening was the English subtitles became a slew of incomprehensible English words (and at times, numbers) mashed together.

For example, they butchered all the characters' names except for Susan. Here are what the names were translated into:

English name vs. What the DVD subtitles showed:
Lucy = "Road West" (Try saying "road" and "west" in Chinese together and you'll understand)
Peter = "Especially"
Edmund = "The is valiently"
Tumnus = "Soup Horse" (Once again, say "soup" and "horse" in Chinese together - Tong ma)
Sea of Narnia = "East China Sea" (I SWEAR!!! This is what they put on the subtitles!!! We couldn't stop laughing!!)
The Chronicles of Narnia = "The Second Legend"
At times Mr. Tumnus became "Soup MA11 SE1"

Weird eh??

So... for example, in the scene where Edmund stumbles into Narnia and yells out "Lucy! Lucy! Where are you??" The subtitles read "Road West! Road West! You are which???"

I know buying illegally burned DVDs is wrong but I'm tempted to buy one just to read the butchered subtitles for a good laugh.

[ ivan 9:30 PM EST ]

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...song out of my head. Like many, I first heard that song played during last season's final episode of Grey's Anatomy. They performed on the American Music Awards last night.

Thanks to Anita and others, I am a Grey's Anatomy fan. I watched the entire first season (all nine episodes) in one day with Anita. We've been up-to-date with the third season but we haven't seen the majority of the second season yet.

Albums played in my van CD player in the past week:
Leeland's debut album
Bebo Norman's latest album
David Crowder - Illuminate
Shawn MacDonald - Ripen

[ ivan 10:28 AM EST ]

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...like Firefox 2.0 over IE 7

and now the Wii over PS3 :)

[ ivan 10:24 AM EST ]

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Went to the Promise Keepers conference this past weekend and I came away challenged. Two things I took from the various speakers:

1. Overcoming my personal fears and hesitations in order to pursue what God is calling me to do. It's hard to find out exactly what God is calling me to do until I make an effort to push ahead. One speaker said that fear is not wrong nor is it from Satan; rather it is normal and human - so push ahead!

2. Trying to make an effort to daily view everything I have as belonging to God; owned by Him. Therefore, my van is God's van. Anita is God's daughter. My money is God's money. So simple but often taken for granted. So simple but it really changes the way I see things now.

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We're trying to save as much as we can and monitor our spending in order to help pay for our upcoming wedding, our new house, our new car, tuition, and other bills. I am thankful for God's providence because just when it seems overwhelming and we're not sure if we will be able to afford our wedding, things work out. In the past month, I have been doing so much better at Tiger and been more successful in selling; a whole lot more than I have ever been before. It has shown up on my recent paychecks and the extra boost of income has helped tremendously. On top of that, God's providence may show up in the near future through a couple of unexpected sources - though it is not confirmed yet. My father reminded me a couple weeks back not to worry for it will all be okay. So far, thankfully, there is no reason to believe otherwise.

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After spending the past few months taking a break from leading worship at church, I'm getting the itch again. I'm thankful that Tim has supported me and made sure I didn't get on a worship team once I arrived at ET. I had been burnt out from leading worship and I really needed the time to be reenergized and have my passion strengthened again. I'm looking forward to getting back into it in a couple months time.

[ ivan 10:11 AM EST ]

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Okay... you're probably wondering what we've been up to lately? (People may have noticed in the last little while when one speaks to me, I usually respond in first person plural rather than first person singular. It's become a habit!

e.g. "So how are you doing, Ivan?"
My response: "We're doing fine!")

Update:
- Currently interning at ETCBC working with the high school youths in Daniel Fellowship
- Enjoying our new home (still lots of work to do but given our hectic schedules, we're going at a snail's pace)
- Still working part-time at TigerDirect and Anita at Starbucks
- Taking three courses at Tyndale
- Taking a two week break from SoleDrive after two gigs in September.
- Not a lot of progress with wedding prep because of our schedules.
- Anita has a new car - a Toyota Matrix
- Pinky finger is messed up from softball and still hasn't healed properly or fully.
- Currently listening to Chris Tomlin's newest album. Going to pick up Leeland's lastest album as well.
- Akeela and the Bee is a wonderful film.
- Anxiously waiting for the start of the Raptors season.
- I read Chuck Swirsky's blog on Raptors.com daily

[ ivan 9:23 AM EST ]

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...tonight as I was going to gas up the car at the Petro-Canada on Victoria Park and Finch. Anita and I saw a small, colored electronic display on the ground in front of the gas station. Flashing in red and yellow were the words "WIFE FOR SALE".

Like I said... strangest sign I've ever seen.

[ ivan 12:21 AM EST ]

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...I remember, I remember when I lost my mind - Gnarls Barkley

Sorry about the delay regarding the details of the proposal. So many things happened over the past month. Shortly after my previous post, my grandmother passed away and therefore I chose not to blog about my proposal until a later time. Since then, in the past month I've been swamped with work, school, assignments, helping out with a wedding, preparing for a gig with SoleDrive, getting ready to help Anita move into our new home, inquiring about life and home insurance, trying to find a date, church and banquet for our wedding, leading worship at church, finding a church for my upcoming internship, serving in various church ministries, and softball.

Does that make me crazy?
Does that make me crazy?
Does that make me crazy?
Possibly - Gnarls Barkley


If you wanna see something "crazy", watch Gnarls perform in full Star Wars attire at the MTV Movie Awards - click here

[ ivan 12:51 AM EST ]

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